this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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