Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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