Just fell off a train. Bad.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
