well I can't set my house on fire every night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
