I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't deserve a penis
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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