from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
