Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize