Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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