Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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