We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
