Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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