Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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