My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
