i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
