so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
