Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
