i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
