i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize