Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
