I understand Curling. That high.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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