I hate all girls vehemently.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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