NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
