You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize