i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
