In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize