Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
