I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
