Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
