ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
