i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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