he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Buhtt sex?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
