The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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