You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
