Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
