I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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