He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
