Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
