I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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