I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
