about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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