This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
