Michael Bay diarrhea
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
