Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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