I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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