Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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