oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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