so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
