it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
