After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fuck appropriateness.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
