Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
