help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
