Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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