I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
