I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
