The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
