i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
