he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
