I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
