Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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