Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
