Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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