do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
