pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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