I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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