I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
