dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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